FIVE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST

I’m sitting here in a coffee shop in Edmonds, Washington waiting for my buddy to come pick me up.  Tonight is the last night of “The Little Girl Waits” book tour.  I am ready to get home, but being here again has reminded me of some of the things I love about the Northwest.

1.  Washington State Ferries.  I am sure if I had to ride one every single day a as a part of of a commute they might grow old, however, I love riding on them.

2.  The Bowling Alley in Port Orchard.  It is the best breakfast place anywhere on earth.  The only thing missing on the menu is chorizo and eggs.

3.  Portland’s weirdness.  I had coffee twice, two different days, with two different kinds of people in Portland and, I have to tell ya, it was interesting being the only people in the coffee shop who wasn’t pierced.

My friend Cameron and I at Torque Coffee
My friend Cameron and I at Torque Coffee

4.  Seattle.  Just, Seattle.  I love that city.

5.  Slate.  Gray.  Skies.  There is something oddly refreshing about the methodical, predictable, and unbending weather of the Northwest.

Of course, the people are what really make it, and I am so thankful for the wonderful souls who have helped make this a fun time for me.  I look forward to any opportunity to get back up here.  A part of my heart will always be on Puget Sound.

“IF I STAY” (MOVIE) FEATURING THE NASTY BRUISES

What would you name your rock band?  It is something I’ve given a lot of thought to, and it came up again this weekend.

Last week I had the joy of watching yet another teen flick.  Okay, I was taken kicking and screaming, but that is beside the point.  My youngest sprout had read the book If I Stay and wanted to see the movie.  So off we went . . . to the matinee, of course. There is no way I was paying full price for this.

Here is a quick review of the movie–Throw in a dash of Romeo and Juliet, a bit of Titanic, sprinkle some Walk to Remember and now one teaspoon of The Fault In Our Stars and viola–If I Stay is born.

The Sequel Should be Titled 'Portland, My Heart Will Go on'
The Sequel Should be Titled ‘Portland, My Heart Will Go on’

The acting was uneven.  Stacy Keach plays the grandfather, and he is, as always, terrific.  The mom and dad roles are done well, but the two main actors, the girl and the boy, are dreadfully wooden and uninspiring.  That’s okay, I wasn’t expecting much more.  As I said on my Twitter feed that night, the real star of the movie, as far as I’m concerned, is the city of Portland.  The producers did a great job of portraying the delightful oddity of that wonderful city.

There was one cool part in the movie.  The father had been in a band (I presume back in the 90s) that was named Nasty Bruises.

To me, that was the most creative part of the film, the name of his band.  I have absolutely no musical talent whatsoever, so I will never be in any kind of band.  I was once kicked out of a church choir and the only thing I can play is the iPod.  But if I ever had a band, naming it would be the most enjoyable part.  I’ve been working on a list for a few years.  Here are some of my hypothetical band names, in no particular order.

1.  Crusty Theologians

2.  The Downspouts

3.  Tolkien’s Revenge

4.  Banana Sandwich

5.  Nietzche Was Wrong

6.  Leather Bound Edition (LBE for short)

7.  Assimov

8.  Then There Was Light

9.  Broken Wheelbarrows

10. Gag Reflex

 

Every now and again a new one comes to me.  What would you name your hypothetical rock band?

 

image from imbd.com

I WAS PRINCESS LEIA ONCE

I was Princess Leia once.  True story.

I was also Fozzy Bear.

Then there was that one really bad day when I was Pink Floyd, and how could I ever forget when I was Portland.

The Actual Screenshot from my FB profile telling me I'm a girl who kissed my brother.  Ick.
Actual Screenshot from my FB Profile

How can all of this be, you ask?  Apparently the Myers-Briggs personality sorter had a brief but tawdry affair with Facebook and the result was the illegitimate twins Zimbio and Buzzfeed.  In case you are not aware of the famous Zimbio and Buzzfeed quizzes, let me give you a crash course.

They ask you 12 questions which are not based in reality at all.  I think it is 12 questions, it might be 10 or it could be 25, I really don’t remember but it doesn’t matter.  It is short, and the questions are multiple choice.  So one question might be, “What is your favorite movie series–The Godfather, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, etc…” and you choose.  Then they ask a similar nonsense question about books or food or exercise or whatever and after about 12 of these (Yeah, I’m pretty sure now it is 12) they tell you which of whatever you are.

Hence, in one of these, I was somehow Princess Leia.  And Portland.  And Fozzy Bear.  Wocka Wocka Wocka.

They can be quite addictive, and someone I love suffers from quiz-addiction.  They look like such fun, at first.  I saw this morning they have one for the cast of Star Trek:  The Next Generation.  I would take it, but I’m afraid I would get Counselor Troi.  If that happened, I would need counseling.  What would be worse than getting Counselor Troi?  Getting Wesley Crusher.  Oh the existential angst that would bring.

But here is what I am waiting for–the Zimbio Bible Quiz.  I checked and I don’t think one yet exists, but I am sure someone is working on it.  Usually there are only a finite number of people you can be, so if we had a Zimbio Bible Character Quiz, who would we want our list to include?  Well, I take Jesus off the table.  No one is Jesus except Jesus.  Same goes for the general “God” and all names for the Lord.  But here is my list of 12 characters Zimbio could use and the brief description your personality is afterward.

  1. Abraham–You are old, but have big ideas about a legacy.
  2. Lot–Full of energy, you often make poor choices that lead to destruction and pain.
  3. Jacob–You are a cheat and a scoundrel, but somehow you always come out on top.
  4. Joseph–A dreamer is what people call you, and this can rub people the wrong way.  You just have a way of knowing what to do.
  5. Samson–Strength and cleverness are your greatest attributes, but pride always comes before a fall.
  6. Delilah–Yeah, you know who you are.
  7. Goliath–You think of yourself as champion, but everyone sees you as a bully.
  8. David–A sensitive, moody soul you always want to do the right thing, even if you don’t.
  9. Abigail–Wisdom and cunning help you navigate the worst of situations.  You were born for the CEO boardroom.
  10. Elijah–You are always spoiling for a fight and this leads to bouts of severe depression.
  11. Jeremiah–You tend to look at the world around you and weep.
  12. Daniel–A person with a foot in many worlds, you never feel fully at home in any of them.
  13. Peter–You often act before you think.
  14. Martha–Serving makes you happy, but bitterness is sometimes difficult to overcome.
  15. Mary–You live in the moment, but sometimes this can be a bother to those closest to you.
  16. Mary Magdalene–Faithfulness is your mojo, but you have a past you’d prefer not to talk about.
  17. Paul–A wandering gadabout, you have far too much to do to ever be tied down to any one place or person.
  18. John–People often accuse you of being too sensitive, but all you really want is for everyone to love each other.
  19. Luke–A realist who craves the facts, but is not afraid to shade the material to get your point across.
  20. Epaphroditus–You feel forgotten, even though you’ve sacrificed so much.
  21. Satan–You are a mischief maker and troubler, but people always invite you to their parties.

The question must remain, though, if such a quiz existed, would I be brave enough to take it?  Probably not because I am afraid I would get Lot, or worse, Delilah.