I WAS PRINCESS LEIA ONCE

I was Princess Leia once.  True story.

I was also Fozzy Bear.

Then there was that one really bad day when I was Pink Floyd, and how could I ever forget when I was Portland.

The Actual Screenshot from my FB profile telling me I'm a girl who kissed my brother.  Ick.
Actual Screenshot from my FB Profile

How can all of this be, you ask?  Apparently the Myers-Briggs personality sorter had a brief but tawdry affair with Facebook and the result was the illegitimate twins Zimbio and Buzzfeed.  In case you are not aware of the famous Zimbio and Buzzfeed quizzes, let me give you a crash course.

They ask you 12 questions which are not based in reality at all.  I think it is 12 questions, it might be 10 or it could be 25, I really don’t remember but it doesn’t matter.  It is short, and the questions are multiple choice.  So one question might be, “What is your favorite movie series–The Godfather, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, etc…” and you choose.  Then they ask a similar nonsense question about books or food or exercise or whatever and after about 12 of these (Yeah, I’m pretty sure now it is 12) they tell you which of whatever you are.

Hence, in one of these, I was somehow Princess Leia.  And Portland.  And Fozzy Bear.  Wocka Wocka Wocka.

They can be quite addictive, and someone I love suffers from quiz-addiction.  They look like such fun, at first.  I saw this morning they have one for the cast of Star Trek:  The Next Generation.  I would take it, but I’m afraid I would get Counselor Troi.  If that happened, I would need counseling.  What would be worse than getting Counselor Troi?  Getting Wesley Crusher.  Oh the existential angst that would bring.

But here is what I am waiting for–the Zimbio Bible Quiz.  I checked and I don’t think one yet exists, but I am sure someone is working on it.  Usually there are only a finite number of people you can be, so if we had a Zimbio Bible Character Quiz, who would we want our list to include?  Well, I take Jesus off the table.  No one is Jesus except Jesus.  Same goes for the general “God” and all names for the Lord.  But here is my list of 12 characters Zimbio could use and the brief description your personality is afterward.

  1. Abraham–You are old, but have big ideas about a legacy.
  2. Lot–Full of energy, you often make poor choices that lead to destruction and pain.
  3. Jacob–You are a cheat and a scoundrel, but somehow you always come out on top.
  4. Joseph–A dreamer is what people call you, and this can rub people the wrong way.  You just have a way of knowing what to do.
  5. Samson–Strength and cleverness are your greatest attributes, but pride always comes before a fall.
  6. Delilah–Yeah, you know who you are.
  7. Goliath–You think of yourself as champion, but everyone sees you as a bully.
  8. David–A sensitive, moody soul you always want to do the right thing, even if you don’t.
  9. Abigail–Wisdom and cunning help you navigate the worst of situations.  You were born for the CEO boardroom.
  10. Elijah–You are always spoiling for a fight and this leads to bouts of severe depression.
  11. Jeremiah–You tend to look at the world around you and weep.
  12. Daniel–A person with a foot in many worlds, you never feel fully at home in any of them.
  13. Peter–You often act before you think.
  14. Martha–Serving makes you happy, but bitterness is sometimes difficult to overcome.
  15. Mary–You live in the moment, but sometimes this can be a bother to those closest to you.
  16. Mary Magdalene–Faithfulness is your mojo, but you have a past you’d prefer not to talk about.
  17. Paul–A wandering gadabout, you have far too much to do to ever be tied down to any one place or person.
  18. John–People often accuse you of being too sensitive, but all you really want is for everyone to love each other.
  19. Luke–A realist who craves the facts, but is not afraid to shade the material to get your point across.
  20. Epaphroditus–You feel forgotten, even though you’ve sacrificed so much.
  21. Satan–You are a mischief maker and troubler, but people always invite you to their parties.

The question must remain, though, if such a quiz existed, would I be brave enough to take it?  Probably not because I am afraid I would get Lot, or worse, Delilah.

DJANGO AND LUKE SKYWALKER

First a confession.  This is not really a blog.  It is more of a thought that I am sharing.

Kim and I watch all of the films nominated for best picture.  I finally saw Django Unchained Thursday night.  I only have two more to go (Argo and Amour).  Don’t worry, I will post full blogs about the films later, after I have seen all of them just like I did last year.

Last Year’s Oscar Films Part One

Last Year’s Oscar Films Part Two

Last Year’s Oscar Films Part Three

But that is not what I am blogging about today.  I will tell you my thoughts about Django later.  But for now, I want to tell you what I have decided.  I have decided that Django Unchained has the same plot as Star Wars (Episode IV, which to me, will always be just, Star Wars).

Obi Wan Kenobi and Luke Skywalker?
Obi Wan Kenobi and Luke Skywalker?

SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT

Do not read any further if you have not seen the film and want to be surprised.

Django is Luke Skywalker.  He is freed from the shackles holding him back–in Django these are real manacles, for Luke they are metaphors.

They both find a mentor–the same one who frees them–a mentor with a white beard and a funny accent (Obi Wan is English, Dr. Schultz is German).

In Django, the mentor serves as both Obi Wan and Han Solo, “Come with me kid, you’re not too bad in a fight.”

The basic plan is to break into the bad guys territory (Plantation=Death Star).

Leonardo DiCaprio is Darth Vader.

Slavery (The Old South) is identical to the evil Galactic Empire.

Princess Leia is tortured.  So is Broomhilda.

The mentor figure fights the bad guy and dies doing it.

There is a final battle.

Django blows up the plantation with dynamite.  Luke blows up the Death Star with a torpedo.

Kerry Washington even looks a little like Princess Leia at the end.

When George Lucas made the original Star Wars, he said it was like an old western set in outer space.  In Django, the outer space story has now become the western.