COME ON, HOLLYWOOD

Come on, Hollywood!  I know you can do better than you’ve done lately.  So to help you out, I’ve got four sure-fire movie ideas for you, and none of them are set in the Marvel Universe.  You can thank me later.

1.  Jaws 5

They only made four Jaws movies.  Everyone knows that the first one, and the only one directed by Spielberg, was the best and probably one of the top 30 greatest movies of all time (anyone who says otherwise is chum) but the other three, not so much.  Jaws 2 was passable, but not the same.  Jaws 3 was possibly one of the worst movies ever (click her for an argument that Jaws 3 was a masterpiece) and Jaws 4 is ridiculous, but it does have Michael Caine.

Jaws 5So why do we need a fifth one, after 20 years of hiatus?  Because Sharknado and stupid SyFy movies have destroyed how great a shark movie can be.  It is time to reclaim it, and make a movie worthy of the first Jaws.  My suggestion is to pick up with the Brody granddaughter, Thea, and set her as a world-class marine biologist who is investigating exactly where all these over-sized sharks are coming from, and how are they able to remember to hate her family from one generation to the next.

2.  The Six Million Dollar Man

Rumors of a Bionic Man movie have been ongoing since the 90s, but most of these are from the comedy side of things.  What I mean is, they’ve talked about remaking it as a spoof like they did 21 Jump Street or Starsky & Hutch.  Boo that!  I want a real movie with drama, melodrama, and cool sound effects (visualize me now, sitting at my laptop, making that awesome sound.)

I loved that tv show in the 70’s.  Remember the one with Bigfoot?  You could even make it a Bionic Man and a Bionic Woman thing too.  This is a no-brainer and would be super easy to do.  My friend Chuck and I already have half a screen play written for this movie.  Okay, it’s really just notes written on a few pages of college rule notebook paper, but you get the point.  Call me Miramax.  Call me!

3.  Kim Possible

What’s the sitch?  Well, the sitch is that my family and I loved this cartoon and still, sometimes, late at night you can hear us mourn its loss.  It died far too young.  It was possibly the coolest cartoon ever.  Ever.  Just remember this, The Disney Channel killed Kim Possible so it could bring you more Hannah Montana, all day, every day.  Worst.  Decision.  Ever.

THESE ARE AWESOME CASTING RECOMMENDATIONS
THESE ARE AWESOME CASTING RECOMMENDATIONS, BUT I HAVE TO PLAY RON

What I want to see, though, is a live-action Kim Possible.  I think maybe Ben Stiller should play Drakken.  Or maybe John Malkovich.  I want to play Ron.  I have to play Ron.

4.  The Little Girl Waits

Yeah, that is what you call a plug!  Seriously, several of the people who have read my novel believe it would make a great movie and I agree.  I mean, it has everything:  Car chases, shootouts, mystery, ghosts, indoor tornadoes, international gangsters, the FBI, and church drama!  I mean, come on, Hollywood, what are you waiting for.

The best part about making the movie of The Little Girl Waits is that I am pretty cheap.  I just want writer’s credit and to help with the screenplay so that I can accept the Oscar for best screenplay adapted from a previous work.  Is that too much to ask?  Of course, you’ll want to make sure and read the book (available at Amazon, BarnesandNoble.com, iTunes and many other outlets, paperback and eBook) before the movie comes out so you’ll know the stuff we changed.

 

Jaws 5 image http://www.top10films.co.uk

Kim Possible image from http://www.deviantart.com

MEGAMIND–THE REDEMPTION OF EVIL

The Greenbeans enjoy movies.  I like old movies and have recently inflicted North By Northwest and Red River upon my otherwise unsuspecting family.  The public library is a great resource for these types of films; although sometimes you have to wait so long that you forget you ordered it.  But, it is always worth it. 

Because I have inflicted so many old movies upon them of late they got to pick and decided that we would go see the movie which apparently everyone  else has seen, Megamind.  The only real problem for me is that Megamind is in 3-D, which is an abbreviation for “Three Times the Dollars”.  Wow, it is so expensive.

I enjoyed it very much, though, and thought it was witty.  The Marlon Brando gig was a very nice touch!

What shouted at me, though (you guessed it), were the theological themes.  (NOTE—SPOILER ALERT’S BELOW)

  • Metro Man—He is intended to be a Christ-figure, but vainly so.  He walks on water, has a death and resurrection type sequence, and his cape is handled and even looks like the Shroud of Turin.  His failure in the film is almost a lament that the Christian community has backed away from the real problems of society. 

 

  • Evil—At first it appears the film is portraying a typical Hollywood dualism with a hero and a villain.  However, what we see is that the villain, although evil, is never able to completely destroy or even win a single battle against the hero.  Good always wins.  This is similar to the claim that Christians make regarding the One True God.  Evil, though strong, is not an equal opposing force to the Lord.  God and only God is almighty.  The Devil is not equal to God in power and strength and therefore, evil cannot win.

 

  • Megamind’s Parallel—Is Megamind Judas or is Megamind Satan?  Is he the misguided traitor who doesn’t understand the ramifications of his actions or is he the original author of atrocity?  How about this for an answer:  I perceive Megamind wants to be Satan but actually doesn’t actually have it in him.  He is more of a Judas figure, and the film portrays him sympathetically as such, almost a proto-Gnostic Judas.    

 

  • Megamind’s Redemption—The transformation of Megamind from ultimate villain to the one who saves the day is truly a story of conversion.  Change is possible, and people can be enlightened.  In the film this change is brought about by romantic love.  We understand that true conversion is triggered by the love of God which engages us and leads us to want to change (Romans 12:1-2) our minds from evil to bad.  This is what the power of the gospel is all about. 

Aside from all that, there are some enjoyable aspects to the film—the rock-n-roll music from my high school days was a blast from the past and the mock President Obama “NO YOU CAN’T” posters made me laugh-out-loud.  It is a fun film, and if you have the $300 dollars it take to go see it in 3-D, I highly recommend it.