Come on, Hollywood! I know you can do better than you’ve done lately. So to help you out, I’ve got four sure-fire movie ideas for you, and none of them are set in the Marvel Universe. You can thank me later.
1. Jaws 5
They only made four Jaws movies. Everyone knows that the first one, and the only one directed by Spielberg, was the best and probably one of the top 30 greatest movies of all time (anyone who says otherwise is chum) but the other three, not so much. Jaws 2 was passable, but not the same. Jaws 3 was possibly one of the worst movies ever (click her for an argument that Jaws 3 was a masterpiece) and Jaws 4 is ridiculous, but it does have Michael Caine.
So why do we need a fifth one, after 20 years of hiatus? Because Sharknado and stupid SyFy movies have destroyed how great a shark movie can be. It is time to reclaim it, and make a movie worthy of the first Jaws. My suggestion is to pick up with the Brody granddaughter, Thea, and set her as a world-class marine biologist who is investigating exactly where all these over-sized sharks are coming from, and how are they able to remember to hate her family from one generation to the next.
2. The Six Million Dollar Man
Rumors of a Bionic Man movie have been ongoing since the 90s, but most of these are from the comedy side of things. What I mean is, they’ve talked about remaking it as a spoof like they did 21 Jump Street or Starsky & Hutch. Boo that! I want a real movie with drama, melodrama, and cool sound effects (visualize me now, sitting at my laptop, making that awesome sound.)
I loved that tv show in the 70’s. Remember the one with Bigfoot? You could even make it a Bionic Man and a Bionic Woman thing too. This is a no-brainer and would be super easy to do. My friend Chuck and I already have half a screen play written for this movie. Okay, it’s really just notes written on a few pages of college rule notebook paper, but you get the point. Call me Miramax. Call me!
3. Kim Possible
What’s the sitch? Well, the sitch is that my family and I loved this cartoon and still, sometimes, late at night you can hear us mourn its loss. It died far too young. It was possibly the coolest cartoon ever. Ever. Just remember this, The Disney Channel killed Kim Possible so it could bring you more Hannah Montana, all day, every day. Worst. Decision. Ever.
What I want to see, though, is a live-action Kim Possible. I think maybe Ben Stiller should play Drakken. Or maybe John Malkovich. I want to play Ron. I have to play Ron.
4. The Little Girl Waits
Yeah, that is what you call a plug! Seriously, several of the people who have read my novel believe it would make a great movie and I agree. I mean, it has everything: Car chases, shootouts, mystery, ghosts, indoor tornadoes, international gangsters, the FBI, and church drama! I mean, come on, Hollywood, what are you waiting for.
The best part about making the movie of The Little Girl Waits is that I am pretty cheap. I just want writer’s credit and to help with the screenplay so that I can accept the Oscar for best screenplay adapted from a previous work. Is that too much to ask? Of course, you’ll want to make sure and read the book (available at Amazon, BarnesandNoble.com, iTunes and many other outlets, paperback and eBook) before the movie comes out so you’ll know the stuff we changed.
Jaws 5 image http://www.top10films.co.uk
Kim Possible image from http://www.deviantart.com