What’s Wrong With This Picture?

I told Mrs. Greenbean that I would blog this.

I am a man of my word.

I spotted it this afternoon. Mrs. Greenbean’s People Magazine (January 16, 2017–the one with Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher on the cover) was open to page 115, which is an ad. It is an advertisement for a product called CocoaVia. I know nothing about this product, other than their marketing department is either run by liars or people who thought they could fool me.

Think again, CocoaVia. You might be able to fool the regular readers of People Magazine but not me. No way. No how. Not today.

Here is what I saw.

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Do you catch it? Do they think we are this dumb?

I told Mrs. Greenbean that there is no way this picture was taken in this universe, not as we are led to believe, anyway.

Have you spotted it yet? It is the woman’s hair–specifically her ponytail. Do you see how it is hanging off her head onto her back, yet her position is supposed to be downward? Her hair should be falling down in front of her face, off to the side, or collected at the base of her neck. It should not be flat on her back upward AGAINST GRAVITY! Sorry, I don’t really like to use all caps, but this feels like a drastic situation. If she were really bent over in this impossible for me position, then her hair would behave differently.

But wait, there is more. Look at the muscles in her face. Zoom in if you have to. Never mind, I’ll do it for you.

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This woman seems to be in great physical condition, but even the fittest among us would have some facial change to the pressure of having our head upside down, facing downward, and smiling. Try it. Her muscles in the cheek would look different, the hair behind her ear would look different. I also think her chin would be tucked inward a bit.

Was it hairspray? Does she have magic hair? Is it photoshopped? What kind of trickery is going on here?

I figured it out, because that is what I do. Check this picture out.

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All I did was flip it sideways. Do you see how much more natural this picture looks? The hair makes sense. Her face makes sense. Her palm and feet all make sense. She is sitting on her bottom, perhaps on the floor, with her hands and feet pressed against the wall.

The ad guys flipped the picture to make it look like she was bending over.

Nice try CocoaVia, nice try.

ART, GREENBEAN STYLE

1 Peter 3:15, as rendered by Mrs. Greenbean
1 Peter 3:3, as rendered by Mrs. Greenbean

Isn’t the above image beautiful!  This past week my wonderful wife, Mrs. Greenbean, completed a canvas for a friend of ours.  It is a piece she color coordinated for the bedroom of a little girl, specifically designed to match a quilt.  The piece is essentially just lettering of a Bible verse surrounded by color themes.  I really like it.

We hope the family it is for likes it too.  By the way, if you’re interested, Mrs. Greenbean works freelance, so hit me up if you’re in need of some artwork.

But that is not what this blog is about.  My daughter saw the piece, and said that she would like her mom to do one for her bedroom, but instead of that Bible verse, she wanted Romans 16:1, because that is the Bible verse that has her name in it.  I thought that was pretty neat, but it got me to thinking that I wanted her to do one for me, but I didn’t know which Bible verse to have her letter.  The more I thought about it, the more I had some nice ideas.

1.  Deuteronomy 26:5–“A Wandering Aramean was my father”  We will title it “ANTI-FOOTPRINTS”

As I understand this verse, it is an important reminder designed to help Israel know its heritage–that of a wandering Aramean.  No matter how mighty and powerful you become, remember you were a wandering nomad, moving around from place to place with no particular home.

In my family, this is an important passage because it is the first Bible verse I ever taught my daughters.  You should have heard their little mouths try to say Aramean.  The reason I taught them this was essentially the same reason as Ancient Israel–I am a Heinze-57 mutt with no pedigree, no particular claim to any special heritage.  I am neither a prophet nor the son of a prophet.  I’m just a Christ-follower wandering through life trying to do the best he can.

What I want to do with this canvas, if Kim will go for it, is to do the opposite of the wonderful “Footprints in the Sand” picture where there is a nice neat trail of footprints.  Instead, we’ll show a desert (no beach) and the footprints will be going in every single direction, all over the place.  Yeah, just like life.

 

2.  Revelation 21:8 “Liars go to hell,” or something like that.

The actual text of Revelation 21:8 is much more involved:

But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.

When my kids were very little I taught them a cheap translation of this verse in the form of a song.

I’ve embedded a Youtube video above of two girls singing the song.  I do not know the girls, but them giggling while they sing it brings back memories of me teaching it to my children, and you should teach it to yours too!

The backdrop for this is obvious–fire!

 

3.  1 Samuel 21:15 “Do I lack madmen, that you have brought this fellow”  we will title this one “It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad Gath World.”

This passage is from the life of King David.  I’ve always loved it, because, don’t we all know how the beleaguered King of Gath must have felt, right?  Just what I need, another crazy running around.  Great, just great!

Mrs. Greenbean could put different kinds of scene of crazy people in the back–someone talking to himself, a woman with matted hair pushing a shopping cart, and of course the obligatory man in a house coat.

 

I’m curious, what verse would you like?  Now, don’t go all spiritual on me.  I’m being funny here.  Don’t scold me and say John 3:16 or Deuteronomy 6:4 or something like that.  Okay.  Good.