What’s Wrong With This Picture?

I told Mrs. Greenbean that I would blog this.

I am a man of my word.

I spotted it this afternoon. Mrs. Greenbean’s People Magazine (January 16, 2017–the one with Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher on the cover) was open to page 115, which is an ad. It is an advertisement for a product called CocoaVia. I know nothing about this product, other than their marketing department is either run by liars or people who thought they could fool me.

Think again, CocoaVia. You might be able to fool the regular readers of People Magazine but not me. No way. No how. Not today.

Here is what I saw.

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Do you catch it? Do they think we are this dumb?

I told Mrs. Greenbean that there is no way this picture was taken in this universe, not as we are led to believe, anyway.

Have you spotted it yet? It is the woman’s hair–specifically her ponytail. Do you see how it is hanging off her head onto her back, yet her position is supposed to be downward? Her hair should be falling down in front of her face, off to the side, or collected at the base of her neck. It should not be flat on her back upward AGAINST GRAVITY! Sorry, I don’t really like to use all caps, but this feels like a drastic situation. If she were really bent over in this impossible for me position, then her hair would behave differently.

But wait, there is more. Look at the muscles in her face. Zoom in if you have to. Never mind, I’ll do it for you.

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This woman seems to be in great physical condition, but even the fittest among us would have some facial change to the pressure of having our head upside down, facing downward, and smiling. Try it. Her muscles in the cheek would look different, the hair behind her ear would look different. I also think her chin would be tucked inward a bit.

Was it hairspray? Does she have magic hair? Is it photoshopped? What kind of trickery is going on here?

I figured it out, because that is what I do. Check this picture out.

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All I did was flip it sideways. Do you see how much more natural this picture looks? The hair makes sense. Her face makes sense. Her palm and feet all make sense. She is sitting on her bottom, perhaps on the floor, with her hands and feet pressed against the wall.

The ad guys flipped the picture to make it look like she was bending over.

Nice try CocoaVia, nice try.

TOP 10 SHOWS-PEOPLE MAGAZINE

www.people.com
http://www.people.com

Mrs. Greenbean got her weekly dose of culture today.  People Magazine arrived.  As she nibbled her lunch, she read off to me the list of Top Ten television shows, according to People Magazine.  I asked her whether Chopped was #1 or #2 and she told me it wasn’t on the list.  How could that be?  Alas, none of my favorites were on there.

We do not watch any of them, so I don’t know what the shows are really about.  As she read the titles, though, I imagined what they might be about.  Here they are, with my imaginary descriptions.–

10.  The Returned–A riveting drama about postal carriers who specialize in handling packages that have been “Returned”

9.  Brooklyn Nine-Nine–A hapless Brooklyn baseball team struggles to find its identity, and to add a 10th player to the roster.

8.  Orange is the New Black–In Milan, a daring young designer makes interesting choices about men’s fashion.

7.  Behind the Candelabra–Phantom of the Opera, Part Two.

6.  Hannibal–Period piece about the African General Hannibal and his assault on the Roman Republic.

5.  The Good Wife–Mormon’s are becoming mainstream, and given new polygamy laws, this show is ripe for a big audience.  A Utah man tries to help his one Good Wife teach the other two how to best serve him and earn eternal life for herself.

4.  Breaking Bad–Docudrama about washed up street dancers from the 1980s.

3.  Masters of Sex–Geneticists race against time to add more males to the population because of the high number of young men who trip ove their own sagging britches and unwittingly kill themselves.

2.  Broadchurch–Griping drama about a Southern church struggling to get its weight under control.

1.  The Americans–Finally, a drama about Native Americans, set before 1492, and their plights to life on the high plains.

I guess I might try to find out what these shows really are about.  I wonder which one of them you like?