THAT STUCK BEHIND THE CUSHION YUCKY FEEL

This morning when I woke up I wanted to write a blog about the failure of the Super Committee in the other Washington.  The title was going to be something like, “RESPONSIBILITY IS LIKE KRYPTONITE TO CONGRESS!”  or “UN-SUPER-SIZE ME.”  It would have been a fun and, shall I say, easy blog to write.  I wonder if living right now is what it sort of felt like as Rome fell?

But I got sidetracked.  I spent most of the morning putting away decorations from the absolutely amazing Agapefeast Sunday night and moving around church platforms, setting up candles for advent, and trying to get things put back together.   Then we discovered that we were short of pens for the Sunday bulletins this weekend, but we knew where they were.  They were in the pouches on the back of the seats in the sanctuary.

Most everyone is away for holiday, so I ended up digging through these pouches of disgust.  I mean it, it was disgusting.  So, now I’ve decided to use my blog today to enumerate SOME of the things I discovered in those nasty pouches.

1.  Pens–I actually did find pens.  I did not find as many as I thought I would, but there were enough to keep us from having to go quickly buy more.

2.  Old Propaganda–There were bulletins, inserts, promotional materials, and our daily devotional guides that date all the way back to summer.  Good to know people are using all that stuff we work so hard on.

3.  A Book–A preschooler’s reading book was stuffed inside.  I wonder what poor child has been looking for that book at home?  And for how long?

4.  Offering Envelopes–I found a lot of, I mean a lot, of offering envelopes.  And yes, I checked for money and they were all empty.

5.  Communion Cups–Yuck.  That’s just nasty.

6.  Snot rags–I’d like to think those are necessary because of my emotional tour-de-force sermons.  Probably not.

7.  Crayons–I hope these were left by children and not deacons, teaching elders or the staff.

I should probably be thankful (it is that season, isn’t it) for the things I didn’t find.  I didn’t find heroin needles,  half eaten doughnuts, missing children, or mean notes about me–which I have found in the past when I’ve done this sort of thing.  Actually, there was one more thing that I found.  It was a piece of white paper with the words “MEMORIZE,” a drawn heart and Psalm 86:10 written out completely, all in purple marker.  It was clearly written by a child.

I think finding that alone was worth all the yuck.

WHAT I DO DURING AMERICAN IDOL

Two (or is it three?) times a week my wife and daughters sneak up very close to idol worship.  No, its not Baal or Molech or even Caesar that are problems for them.  It is the television show American Idol.  All three of them have some kind of addiction to the program.  I thought that might go away after Paula left the show.  I was wrong.  Although I must admit Paula Abdul did make the show very interesting.

But when they watch, I must find something else to do.  I just can’t watch it.  Its not that the show is awful.  It is just that I do not like amateurish music.  If I want music, I will listen to the iPod.  So, here is what I should do while they watch idolatry.

  • Take the trash out.  This is my daughters’ job but since they are busy watching television and the weather is so awful, I think I will just go ahead and do it.

(ouch, i can hear the tv in the other room and someone just hit an awful note.  Sounds like a Diana Ross song.)

  • Read.  I may spend some time reading my book.  It is a biography of Dietrich Bonhoeffer and its amazing.  The problem is the book is a little intense and the last couple of days have already been intense.  I suppose I might do something else.
  • Work on Twitter Account.  I recently tried to reactivate my twitter account.  It had been dormant for a long while but ever since I saw Jack Dorsey at Catalyst I’ve been thinking it was time to get it going again.  If you’re interested you can follow me @jamiedgreening.  What really needs to be done is get my profile pic up.   My Facebook profile pic ought to do nicely.
  • Check out Beard web-pages.  One of the things which humor me is to surf the internet and look at web-pages dedicated to beard and beard growing.  The Beard Coach and All About Beards are two of the best.  Someday I hope to have a truly excellent beard.  I am not there, but I’m working on it.

(Ugh.  I can hear the television in the next room.  Someone tell JLo to be quiet.  She is repeating herself over and over and over.)

  • Work.  I am very far behind in work.  Traveling last week combined with the extra work of starting the Holy Season and various other interruptions in my regular work schedule have put me far behind.  I should be working on the John 7 sermon, writing something serious, or doing admin work.
  • Maybe I’ll just pop some popcorn and write this blog.

Yo Dog.