Burger Talk

A hamburger is always a good idea, but what do you do if you are avoiding meat? Do you skip the hamburger altogether?

A rise in the number of vegetarians, vegans, and people (like me) who are cutting back on meat has prompted the marketplace to develop meatless burgers. Recently I mentioned the outstanding offering at the Hard Rock Cafe in an unrelated blog post. About two weeks ago I tried a local burger joint’s vegetarian burger and it was awful. Just awful. It had the texture of Playdough and the flavor of boiled turnips. It fell apart into crumbling bits I scooped up with fried pickles. In short, I hated it.

My youngest sprout, who is a vegetarian (I am not–instead I follow a diet where I avoid meat on Monday and consciously skip it when there are other viable options) wanted me to try the Impossible Whopper from Burger King.

Well, today is Monday, so that means I’m meatless. After reading to kindergartner children I dropped by BK on my way back to my study. The verdict: from the first bite onward it seemed like just another hamburger to me. In other words, it was good. I don’t think I could have identified it as being plant based at all, and if I were alternating bites with a regular Whopper they would seem indistinguishable. Well done Burger King, well done.

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If you’re wanting to make burgers at home (which is always better) I highly recommend MorningStar Farms Grillers Veggie burger. However, be careful, as there is another veggie burger they make in almost identical packaging that is gag inducing vomit worthy.

I leave you with these five tips for the perfect hamburger experience — whether your burger is vegan or beef.

  1. Thick sliced sharp cheddar, placed on the patty when it is either on the grill/pan is best.
  2. Put the bottom of the bun on the meat patty when it has about a minute left. Flip it over with your spatula on the plate to build the burger.
  3. Serve the burger with a thin layer of mustard on the bun and a drizzle of ketchup over the meat. Remember, mustard is for the bread, the ketchup is for the meat. The picture above almost gets it right, but it has mayonnaise on the top rather than mustard.
  4. More mustard and ketchup instructions: serve a generous amount of both on the side for dipping the hamburger that you have cut into quarters.
  5. Drink a cherry Coke with your burger. It will make the burger perfect.

Learning To Write: ACFW 2019

Greenbean has been taking notes this weekend at the American Christian Fiction Writers annual conference in San Antonio because he wants to be a better writer.

I’ve published four books, and each one makes me a better writer. I still have a lot to learn. The last two days have highlighted how much I have yet to learn. But before I touch on that, here are some hot takes from the ACFW:

  1. The people who run this thing are wonderful, kind, hard working and inspiring. I really do appreciate how much they do to help all of us neurotic paranoids.
  2. Being around people who are like me is wonderful. Seriously, writers are a different breed of human and we all get each other without explanation. People who see me all the time in the real world don’t realize just how much I work to ‘hide’ that weirdness.
  3. The most unused public room at ACFW is the men’s room. It is not an exaggeration to say there are nine women to every man. If you’d like proof, here is a picture of last nights dinner table.
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Guess which one is me?

 

The keynote speaker this year is Frank Peretti — who many of you will recognize as the rockstar Christian author of This Present Darkness and The Oath. My favorite book of his is The Wounded Spirit. I’ve never seen him in person before and was very surprise by how much he reminded me of Doc Brown from Back To The Future. For reals. If he’d said “Great Scott” just once I’d would have lost it.

Peretti is speaking to us as the ‘wise old man’ and here is what he shared today.

  1. Keep a long term perspective.
  2. Always be honest.
  3. Be a real man. (Greenbean’s note: he didn’t make application for women, but I assume he could find a “be an authentic person” motif here with a little work.)
  4. Trust God.
  5. Failure is better than regret.
  6. Do not build your life around dreams and goals, because those will change.

He said a lot more, but this was the gist. I really appreciated it because he was right. So many of us have great big ambitions, but what it boils down to is faithfully answering the call of God in our lives to be people of faith. And most of us are not called to be rockstar writers or even signed and contracted authors. Most of us will simply continue to tell the stories which inhabit our soul whether anyone is reading them or not.

I’ve attended four workshops and two panel discussions. The workshops have been very helpful. Here is the ‘plot-skeleton’ I drew today in a session with super-duper successful writer Angela Hunt. In my hands, the plot skeleton looks like a plot-monster.

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Last night there were panels. Those were less encouraging. The basic message I got from each one is that my kind of fiction is not what anyone is looking like. The hot topics now are World War I and Vietnam Era historical fiction, contemporary fiction, women’s fiction, and suspense/romance. To a person, every time speculative fiction/fantasy/science fiction are mention the door is slammed. That doesn’t bode well for poor Pastor Butch Gregory or my WIP about St. Carl of Mars. IMG_0793.jpgI have two appointments tomorrow with literary agents, but my expectations are guarded. As Peretti said, I am trusting The Lord with a long perspective and will keep writing.

BONUS INFO: The hotel is on the Riverwalk and I had supper at the Hard Rock Cafe. If anyone is¬†interested, their plant-based “Impossible Burger” was delicious. The fries were too salty and the Arnold Palmer I drank was not properly mixed but still refreshing.