I need to be forgiven for my transgressions. I keep my sins private, generally, but I feel the need to share these with the cyberworldwebspherespace. Don’t judge.

Today in the car after dropping off my daughter, I found myself singing along to Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face.” You have no idea how much shame I feel about that.

I entertained the evil thought that it would be such a wonderful and fortuitous thing if Donald Trump had some terrible, unfortunate accident. Of course I don’t mean it, but I did think about it for far too long which is a sin of commission, and may well be a mortal sin.

While reading something in a magazine I had the thought, “I wonder what Giorgio Tsoukalos thinks about this?” How did I ever let myself get into this position?

I cooked chicken fried steak yesterday for some friends of ours, and I used liquid canola oil instead of shortening. How can I ever live that down?

I clicked on a link on Facebook to find out “What Kind of Candy” I was. True, it was the temptress Mrs. Greenbean who set me down that dark path, but it was my own wrongdoing that led me astray. What a worm I am.

This morning at the men’s Bible study I wantonly desired the sausage biscuit from McDonald’s.  This carnal passion lasted for several seconds before I remembered that it was only an illusion, that McDonald’s is not actually food but poison for my body and soul.