VOTE ON THE MOUSTACHE

Per my summer tradition, I shaved off my glorious beard after DragonFest 2016 (click here for more info about Dragonfest). I did this in stages–first seeing how it looked with no sideburns, then The Balbo, then a Vandyke, and then a Fu Manchu. Don’t worry friends, I will grow it back. Since time immemorial men have shorn themselves in the summer months. It is healthy and good for the skin to see the sun, and for the man to remember how much he needs the beard to cover his ugly mug. Needless to say, I’m no longer sporting a 4 On the Riker scale (Click here to learn about the Riker scale of beards).File Aug 12, 1 15 48 PM

But back to my issue. The last stage of my “what does this look like” experiment was to just go with a moustache. I wore it all the way home yesterday during our epic journey through the heartland to home.

During the journey, a debate erupted amongst the Greenbeans. Should I keep the ‘stache and preach with it on Sunday or go ahead and take it off?

I decided to let anyone who cares have a voice. Please vote yes or no in the poll below. Don’t forget to click the word “vote” to submit your choice. Check back often to see which side is winning.

THE ENJOYABLE TASK OF DESCRIBING BEARDS AND THE MEN WHO WEAR THEM

How does one describe beard length?  Inches might work, or for some feet.  However, mathematics seems sterile for something as ontological as a beard.

Today a post on the Facebooks caught my attention.  It was posted by beards.org and featured a beard scale put together by a woman named Danielle to describe her husband’s beard.  Here was her scale:

1.  Sexy stubble

2.  Sea Captain

3.  Prisoner of war

4.  Homeless person

5.  Wizard

I like her little scale.  It is creative.  However, I’m not certain about the “prisoner of war” because, in all honesty, that is a rather nasty business.  It also strikes me that a “homeless person” and “wizard” are only differentiated by the amount of alcohol on the clothing of the beard wearer.  Unless of course said wizard is Gandalf, who very likely might be intoxicated as well.  It might be possible to list, in a biblical context, the wizard beard as the prophet beard.

I think I would take her scale and modify it, just a bit.  I would move “sea captain” down to three and put “bard” at number 2.  By “bard” I mean that wonderful full beard of the academic, writer, and scholar.  A bard’s beard is not as long as a sea captains beard, for it is neatly trimmed and manicured to display its glory alongside tweed and elbow patches.  Then I would add, what might be called, the professional’s beard.  This is the kind of beard that looks good in a uniform or a suit and that fits in at the office.

So, then my modified list would look like this:

1.  Sexy Stubble

2.  Bard

3.  The Pro

4.  Sea Captain

5.  Homeless Person

6.  Wizard (Prophet)

So now, we go to examples and possible new naming.  It strikes me that we could interchange these bearded labels with celebrities or actors in movies.  So, now the list becomes:

1. The George Clooneygeorge-clooney-grey-hair-706bes072710

2.  The FreudSigmund_Freud_LIFE

3.  The Rikeramatterofhonor030

4.  Red Octobersean+connery+hunt+for+red+october

5.  The Melmel-gibson-crazy-beard

6.  Mosesmichelangelo-sculptures-17

The obvious of course is that these reference full beards, not van dykes or goatees or the miniscule and mindless soul patch.

pictures from:  www.giorgiobrutini.com (Clooney),
en.wikipedia.org  (Freud),
draggpost.com (Riker),
nicksbeardblog.blogspot.com (Connery), heebmagazine.com (Gibson),entertainment.howstuffworks.com (Michelangelo’s Moses)