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MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT SURPRISE

Mrs. Greenbean has told me that I can’t receive the mail or be near any parcels which arrive for the next several days.  The reason for this, she says, is my Christmas present is on the way and I would know what it was just by looking at the box.  I’m not much of a snooper on things like this, but my curiosity is definitely piqued.  The only clue I have to work with is my wife said (or was it my oldest daughter who said it?) it was, “Something you’ve always wanted.”

Well, that narrows it down.  My first guess, then, was that it was a cheese wheel.  I have always wanted one of those.  She said that wasn’t what it was.  This means that my Christmas present is a genie in a bottle.  That is the only other thing I’ve always wanted.  I have been thinking about my three wishes ever since I was a little boy and saw Barbara Eden on television.

  1. Wish Number One:  Every time I reach into my pocket, may there be a new $100 bill.  Admittedly, when I was boy, it was a $5 bill but, times have changed and so have my needs.  I devised this plan based upon two problems.  If I asked for a set amount of money, it might not be enough to do things.  With this plan, I can always get more.  It also solves the problem of storage.  A set amount of money could be stolen or lost on devastating investments—like retirement funds.  But this way, I just pull it out when I need it.
  2. Wish Number Two:  I wish for the ability to travel through time without having to worry about any annoying causality problems.  As a historian it would be fascinating to me to see key moments in history as well as everyday life in the past.  Imagine having a cup of coffee with Abraham Lincoln before he was anyone important or chatting with Hemingway about bullfighting?  That’s the kind of stuff I would enjoy.  The only problem is language.  To visit the past, say, Rome—one really would need to master classical Latin or learn Chinese to see t he emergence of the Han Dynasty.  I wonder if this second wish could have an addendum about languages
  3. Wish Number Three:  It is tempting to be swayed by silly Disney films and make my third wish to free the genie.  My old friend Chuck always reminds me, though, the ancient literature says repeatedly “Fear one thing—the Djinn” so I will refrain from unleashing that type of devastation upon the planet.  So, my third wish is I that I have top-secret security clearance as an agent of the FBI.  I’ve waffled in the past on this—sometimes the CIA or The Texas Rangers (not the baseball team, but the totally awesome law enforcement agency) or even Interpol.  But I’ve decided in my fantasy it would be easier to live the life of a top-secret agent and keep my calling as a pastor if I stay domestic with the FBI.

 

In the unlikely event that my Christmas present is not a genie in a bottle; then I will let you know what kind of cheese it was.  Until then, all of us should be working on our three wishes, just in case our special someone gives us what we’ve always wanted.

Categories: All, Books, Culture, Food, Writing

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