I’ve Got Questions About the Impeachment

Question One: Does this count as a part-time job for Justice Roberts?

If so, how does he file this on his 2020 tax return next year?

Question Two: Do you think the Founding Fathers intended for us to have to watch all the proceedings?

I mean, that is a certain kind of torture, right? A correlating question is, “Am I a bad citizen if I don’t watch it all?” I mean, I do have a life, but at the same time I feel a certain level of civic duty to pay attention.

Question Three: Will there be a meet and greet for senators?

People keep talking about how the senators never actually come to the senate at the same time to hear debate and dialogue. I’m just wondering if they have actually ever met each other. If not, perhaps a little social after one of the hearings would be appropriate. Of course, attendance would have to be mandatory.

Question Four: Did we surrender dueling as a means of solving conflict too soon?

I’m not in favor of violence by any means, but again appealing to the Founding Fathers, sometimes they just stepped off fifteen paces and solved the issue quickly. Tell me this wouldn’t be simpler if Adam Schiff and Jay Sekulow just picked their weapon of choice . . .

Question Five: Are there impeachment swag bags?

The image on television kind of looks like a conference of sorts, so are there freebies on back tables? What would those freebies be? Leather bound Federalist papers? Wall posters of the constitution? A two week vacation in beautiful Kiev?

Question Six: Since it is being aired on television, wouldn’t it be great if we could get multiple angels and camera views, like for football games?

I’d like to have a separate camera on Justice Roberts at all times, an instant replay of a salient point, or perhaps statistics and graphs like, “Kiev has a population of 2.8 million people” and “Senator Patty Murray has consumed three bags of skittles in the last hour and a half.” A camera on the senators would be nice, too. I’d like to now if my senators are paying attention or are they asleep.

Question Seven: Would color commentary be a good addition?

“In the off season, Jerry Nadler enjoys ice fishing in the Arctic Circle.” Better yet, “Pam Bondi might be really smart, but she blew that opening. It’s doubtful they will let her back on the field anytime soon.”

Question Eight: What is happening with all the regular business the Senate and House are supposed to be doing?

Have we solved Flint’s drinking water? Are we good with a plan for immigration reform? Could somebody please do something about the ridiculous medical system in this country? It is the kind of thing that makes a reasonable person wonder if this is all a great big distraction to keep us from having to do the hard stuff.