If you are easily offended, stop reading now.  Go read one of my other blog posts (This one, maybe or for something more serious, maybe this one) or maybe the newspaper or something.

Last night I was reading headlines from one of our local TV. Stations.  This one caught my attention:





Here is the link to the actual news article from KIRO tv.

My mind fluttered with a flurry of unfocused thought.

Thought One:  Where would we find this consultant?  I recommend someone in the education arena.  From what I remember, lots of people in high school know a lot about pot and when I was at the University there were many experts on the subject.  We might could also try rock-n-roll concerts.  Anyone besides me ever had a contact high?  I thought so.

Thought Two:  How would we recognize a potential consultant–what would be his/her/its credentials?  I recommend looking for people with Dorito orange colored hands.  Marijuana experts tend to always be eating chips and munching on something.  (Ooohhh, yeah, you can find maybe a consultant at the 7-11 snack aisle late at night or at vending machines–This is really for Thought One).

Thought Three:  Yeah Man, so like, we would need some, really awesome job training for like, not the consultant man, because the consultant would be super smart and amazingly, man, yeah, like, insightful.  So we would need to really, you know, do freakin’ great job training for those who have to work with, like, the super awesomist marijuana consultant.

Thought Four:  What would the actual job title be?  Pot Planner.  Reefer Regulator.  Mary Jane Manager.  Hash Boss.  Dope Director.  Pothead in Chief.

Thought Five:  I have some recommendations for filling the post quickly.  Cheech and Chong might be available.  Michael Phelps.  Willie Nelson would be great if you can find him.  I recommend looking for him passed out on the side of a Texas highway.

Okay, I gotta get back to work now, but first, just in case you were wondering, let me affirm that Pastor Greenbean does not use or condone the use of marijuana.


  1. […] The way we do it is we take a metal coffee can and smash as many of them down into it as possible and then light them on fire.  Then we smash more of them into the fire.  It takes about 25-30 minutes because the fronds almost always have been coated with some kind of fire retardant when we purchase them so they don’t want to burn easily, but once they do, once it catches and gets hot–look out!  Last year one of our pastors burned off his eyebrows and mustache.  One year I tried to bake them in the oven to get a harder char and a firmer ash, but that didn’t work too well.  Those things stink enough, but when you bake them they smell like another kind of green grass that people turn to smoke. […]

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