Last night I watched Sharkado 2 The Second One.
I’m not proud of it. Rest assured, I feel the appropriate level of shame and cultural degradation that one should rightly feel when watching such trash. By trash, I mean absolutely terrible. The acting was awful. The plot was, well, I’m not certain if there was a plot. The CGI was even worse than the first one. You’d think they’d use some of that money they inexplicably made on the first one to improve the second one. Nope.
There is one great thing about Sharknado, though, that we must applaud. When it goes for the outrageous, it really goes for the outrageous big time. Here are some of my favorites.
1. A Shark ate a pilot (Robert Hayes, no doubt in homage to Airplane!) and copilot from the cockpit of a Boeing 747 at somewhere over 25,000 feet. Let that sink in.
2. They tasered a shark. On a ferry. While it was eating some woman’s head. The woman was important to the story, but I don’t know why or what her name was.
3. The head of the Statue of Liberty chased down and tried to kill three women. They escaped in a garbage truck, but their subsequent escape meant the untimely demise of the two sanitation workers they booted outside the truck.
4. They got Judd Hirsch to be the taxi driver. Awesome. I bet Jeff Goldblum or Wil Smith would have found a way to save him. Instead, Ian Ziering just watched Judd die from the hood of the taxi. If only it would have been Danny DeVito instead . . .
5. A guy killed a flying shark with a baseball bat by hitting it into the bleachers like a home run. I’m not making this stuff up. I really saw it last night.
6. Matt Lauer and Al Roker.
7. Hours later, the engagement ring was still on Tara Reid’s undigested, unchewed, ring finger on her hand, clutching a pistol, inside the same dead shark that apparently she had sawed in half with her homemade prosthetic saw-hand. Yep, you read that right.
The good news is that after watching Sharknado 2, I’m going to start working on a screenplay for both The Little Girl Waits and the Deep Cove series. It gives me hope.
images from schmoesknow.com and kingoftheflatscreen.com
8 responses to “I COULDN’T RESIST–THIS BLOG IS ABOUT SHARKNADO”
Well, Jamie, since you’ve come out of the closet on this, I should, too. Maybe they’ll make a spinoff based in Western Washington and call it “Slugnato.”
actually jim, there are other variations on this already out there, including slothcano and jarjarnado. if you do a slugnato, it would have be a real, authentic port orchard banana slug.
I see from a glance at BuzzFeed that Andy Dick played a police officer, and Billy Ray Cyrus played a medical doctor. I confess to a bit of morbid curiosity about all the carnage, but in my heart of hearts I’d rather avoid seeing the demise of Alex Reiger. I will say, though, something like this truly fulfills all the promise we all saw for the future of Tara Reid’s career way back in her American Pie days. She’s truly come into her own.
I like tweeting your posts, Pastor Greenbean, and something tells me I’m obligated to do it for the sake of having at least one Sharknado tweet, but I can’t bring myself to do it. Entertaining post nonetheless.
yes indeed virgil, andy dick and the achy breaky himself were in it. the funny part about cyrus is that he played a doctor in new york with the thickest southern accent. funny.
as to tara reid, i think they wrote around her in this one as her role was not as prominent in the groundbreaking first edition of sharknado. she lost her hand to a shark dangling from a 747 at 25,000 feet within the first 10 minutes, and after that she split time with vivica a. fox.
don’t worry about the tweet thing. i don’t know if i would have tweeted this out either. this particular blog was more confessional in nature anyway.
The problem is, who could ever write a screenplay that could even come close to the classic work that is Sharknado?……
david–i know, right! that kind of artistic excellence may never be repeated in our lifetime.
thanks for reading and commenting.
[…] and let your hero/heroine kill on sight with no questions asked. I hear you saying, “What about Sharknado?” and I say, okay, but aren’t those really just aquatic […]
So what else do you do when boredom strikes 😉