Last night I watched Sharkado 2 The Second One.
I’m not proud of it. Rest assured, I feel the appropriate level of shame and cultural degradation that one should rightly feel when watching such trash. By trash, I mean absolutely terrible. The acting was awful. The plot was, well, I’m not certain if there was a plot. The CGI was even worse than the first one. You’d think they’d use some of that money they inexplicably made on the first one to improve the second one. Nope.
There is one great thing about Sharknado, though, that we must applaud. When it goes for the outrageous, it really goes for the outrageous big time. Here are some of my favorites.
1. A Shark ate a pilot (Robert Hayes, no doubt in homage to Airplane!) and copilot from the cockpit of a Boeing 747 at somewhere over 25,000 feet. Let that sink in.
2. They tasered a shark. On a ferry. While it was eating some woman’s head. The woman was important to the story, but I don’t know why or what her name was.
3. The head of the Statue of Liberty chased down and tried to kill three women. They escaped in a garbage truck, but their subsequent escape meant the untimely demise of the two sanitation workers they booted outside the truck.
4. They got Judd Hirsch to be the taxi driver. Awesome. I bet Jeff Goldblum or Wil Smith would have found a way to save him. Instead, Ian Ziering just watched Judd die from the hood of the taxi. If only it would have been Danny DeVito instead . . .
5. A guy killed a flying shark with a baseball bat by hitting it into the bleachers like a home run. I’m not making this stuff up. I really saw it last night.
6. Matt Lauer and Al Roker.
7. Hours later, the engagement ring was still on Tara Reid’s undigested, unchewed, ring finger on her hand, clutching a pistol, inside the same dead shark that apparently she had sawed in half with her homemade prosthetic saw-hand. Yep, you read that right.
The good news is that after watching Sharknado 2, I’m going to start working on a screenplay for both The Little Girl Waits and the Deep Cove series. It gives me hope.
images from schmoesknow.com and kingoftheflatscreen.com